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9/16/2024
Entry 5: their name is alpha doodles for a reason oh thats not his real name my b
woopsies another month has passed by without an update. ill try to get more consitent at it but at least im updating in a month ish and not like half a year ish :)
todays topic will be about my relationship with drawing bc recently ive been thinking more about that. if u read my previous entry abt social media and stuff then
you may already have an idea of how i feel abt it. but if u didnt its no big deal, the point is that i just dont know if i enjoy drawing as much as i used to. i
look back at my drawings and wonder how they hell i had the energy or passion for that. like even tho i posted in hopes for attention at least that got me to want
to finish things yknow, but now i just doodle and call it day. that's not necessarily a big deal i just gotta do stuff at this new pace. but it sucks that i have to
like lower expectations of myself. now everytime i doodle smth im like "thats not as good as i could be doing" and i just bum myself out. i will admit that i do
still like some of my art and maybe todays just a really bad day for drawing. or maybe i just always felt like this while drawing and i dont remember. the other problem
is just that idk what i want to draw half the time. i like drawing and doodling but i dont ever have ideas that really make me want to draw too. its just takes so much from me to
draw now and it doesnt come as easy to me anymore. but idk drawing has just been so hard for me lately and idk how i need to reframe it. ik for sure that i dont want
to quit entirely cuz i honestly dont think i could but ive already been drawing less and less so.
7/14/2024
Entry 4: Alpha and Social Media
Hi, it's been a while since I've said anything on here. Whoops! Well, what can ya do. Anyways, I wanted to talk about why I (mostly) stopped
using social media and stuff.
Like many others, I want to quit social media, and I sorta have for the past few months. I log in some days to scroll for a bit before logging out, so
I haven't completely cut it out. Every time I do log in, it still continues to negatively affect me. The bottom line is that its rarely benefited me.
To get a very common reason out of the way, social media constantly just made me feel bad post after post. This is compounded by the fact that I get upset over
stupid things easily. Social media is also known for making it easy to find others with similar interests. I wanted to talk with others and get to know them.
Wow! We both like this same thing? That's cool! I like this about that interest and blah blah blah. Except, I never did. I am so grateful to meet the people I did over social media, but most of the time,
I stressed myself out over the possibility of interacting with others. This person sounds cool, but they'd probably hate me! I think it'd be weird if I just
suddenly messaged them, so I won't! Just constant doubt over and over. And I got fucking tired of myself. If I didn't want to put in the work to meet people,
then what was the point? I couldn't keep entertaining the idea that I MIGHT decide to talk to someone one day once I "built up the courage." Sometimes I was able,
but most of the time was never. While I was lying to myself, I'd occassionaly post my art. I went in with the hopes that people would notice me because that was a great
mindset that never did anyone wrong. Every time I didn't get the attention I wanted, I'd just get more upset and frustrated. I just stopped posting altogether. If people didn't
want to see it then what was the point of posting it? Just so many of my personal issues making social media a worse place for me specifically, so it only made
sense to stop using it.
My experience with semi-leaving social media has been okay. I have to make more of an effort to see what's happening around the world now. Trying to find things I'd like is much harder.
I've been spending more time focusing on hobbies. My sleep schedule is mostly better, too. Honestly, I don't think it's the fix or blessing that some videos I've seen make it out to be.
It might be better to take a break and return to social media with a better mindset, but I don't have any reason to go back. Social media can still be a force of good for many others but not for me.
Maybe that will change in the future, but for now, I want to avoid using it as much as I can. I know some people consider Neocities a social media, but I think it's a different. Although there is
technically a way to garner an audience and stuff, I'm just making this for the hell of it not for others. I do want to be more consistent with adding things to my site, though, so I'll work on that.
2/23/2024 PHT
Entry 3: Acclimating
Alpha reveal time!!! I'm in the Philippines. Now you know why I was over the Pacific Ocean. How neat!
Anyways, I've been traveling around with my family a lot. So much sitting down to be transported areas,
but I haven't slept all that much yet plus jet lag is making me very sleepy. I am enjoying walking around, though,
since I don't move around often enough. To be honest, once I'm home I wanna get back into playing Ring
Fit Adventure daily again. Other wise, the past few days have been pretty good all things considered.
Well, I'm going to sleep now...
2/18/2024(?)
Entry 2: Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.
Yep. You read that right. As I type, I'm somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.
I thought that'd be a fun way to start this entry. Anyways, I'm gonna try
to go over as much as I can remember today. I'm already starting to get tired,
and it's only... Okay, I just realized I don't even know what the timezone is here.
That's really cool.
Technically my day started at midnight since I slept around like 2:00 AM. I was waiting
for laundry to finish around that time, so I spent the time watching ManlyBadassHero play
scary games. I think the only one to get me was the stupid Garfield one of all games.
Okay, it's not stupid. It's really well done. I just was so uncomfortable. It's called
"The Last Monday." If you're into weird surreal horror, I think it's pretty good. Sincerely, a wolf
who knows nothing about surrealnes and horror. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for
watching something slightly scary at midnight. Anyways, I eventually went to bed thinking of evil Garfield.
Today was my flight. I'm not telling you where, when, or why. I don't feel like it. Regardless, it was just super hectic.
So many last minute things and new pieces of information that would have been better to know way earlier.
At least the airport itself wasn't so bad. I went to this nice Japanese restuarant and ordered a beef bowl.
It was nice. I had also ordered some eel nigiri but got an eel bowl instead. I didn't finish it, but
I still have it now. It tastes good, but not as good as some raw eel would. Oh well.
At this point, we are 28k feet in the air which is pretty cool. I'm actually pretty scared of heights,
but I'm pretty used to airplanes now. Heights are still scary as hell, though. I think I'm going to work
more on the website, and maybe I'll fall asleep at some point. Another thing, I don't even know when I'm
going to be able to upload all of this stuff. Oh well, I guess that's a problem for future me.
2/17/2024
Entry 1: Hi. Hello.
Making a post here so that it's not super empty. I think it looks kinda weird when it's super empty.
Anyways, I'm hoping to use this more often. I limited social media usage to only Twitter but that didn't
work. I'm just completely off social medias at this point. Maybe I'll talk more about why later.
If I did it all now, then you'd know too much too fast. Let this Alpha lore simmer a bit. Get that
mysterious air about me then you can know. Alright? Or you could skip to whenever I do talk about it.
That's kinda like cheating, but I won't judge.
Social media talk aside, I'm really happy with how the site looks right now. Although it's bland,
it just means that I can do whatever at this point. I'm thinking about drawing buttons, fonts, and whatever else.
Lots of images of my sona, too, of course. That's the most important, I think.
Okay, that's all. Bye for now.
